Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
