Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
