All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize