a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
