I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
