I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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