people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
