I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
