sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
