I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
