everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
