You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
