White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
