i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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