I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
