Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
