bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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