and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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