omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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