Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have fence marks all over my body
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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