3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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