just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Randomize
