I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
