just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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