Dude my mom stole all your condoms
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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