Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
