We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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