Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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