his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
