i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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