maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
