He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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