Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
