We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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