there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
