apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
