He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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