Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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