thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
