Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
