Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
