I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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