I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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