I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
