Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
