you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
