ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
