This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
