She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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