bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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