my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
