Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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