im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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