Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
