Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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