I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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