whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
