I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize