You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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