He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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