Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
