WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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