Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
