trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
