Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
