when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
