he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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