The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I cut my penus on the lid.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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