I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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