You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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