i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
