I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
