we have pet lesbian snakes
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I just sharted jello shots
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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