she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
