is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
