do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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