Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
