don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
