i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
