Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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