worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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