There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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