I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
