O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
