When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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