Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
