I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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