Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
