I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
