Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
