I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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