Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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