At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize