I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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