After last night, I could never be a politician.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
ok first of all what the fuck
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize