the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
