After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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