some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
