turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
