So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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