I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
