theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
