The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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