So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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