Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
