should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
