new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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