did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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